I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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