Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
