you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
