The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
