Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
