I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
