I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
