Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This baby is an asshole
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
