This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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