Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
