wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
