you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize