You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
