he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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