I didn't shave. On purpose
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
