dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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