i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
