And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
