Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
