I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
