just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
