He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
