I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
