my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
