get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
