Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
