So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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