Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
