Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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