Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just pee around me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
