dude i'm inner monologue high
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
