I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
