i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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