Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
