just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
