i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
