My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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