i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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