dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
