The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
