...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
