guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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