I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
