escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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