ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
