what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
