so that wasnt chicken after all
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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