Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
