Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize