i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
