Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize