Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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