On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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