Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
