dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
