You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
