I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
