I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
