I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize