i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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