Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
