Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
